my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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