There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
