You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
