He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
