fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
