He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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