I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
