The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
