Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
