Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
