They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Boobs are out for the taking
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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