Do you still have your period?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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