11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
