Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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