yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize