I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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