If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
