we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize