strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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