I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
