it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
