I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
