I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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