I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
