I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dick very happy bro
Someone signed my nipple.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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