I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
