Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So much rum. So many feels.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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