Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
