I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
