actually, I'm a sock model
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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