If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
