the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
