do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love you.
Bad choice
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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