Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
