I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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