The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
