I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
