It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
