dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
