the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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