Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
