im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
