dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I am morally bankrupt
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i drank out of a bidet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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