There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize