I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
