guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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