I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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