Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
