last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
