I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
