i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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