The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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