I love black thongs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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