I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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