She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
