Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
