Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize