Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
