my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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