the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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