I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize