thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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