Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
