i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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