I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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