I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
