So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
