I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
