Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
