Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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