she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
