I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
