Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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