So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize