He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
