Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
