I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
