If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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