I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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