The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
