so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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