You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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