If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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