Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
