My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
