my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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