There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize