Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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