So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
