I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
