I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
