I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
