I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
