hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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