I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize