For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
