The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
