Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
