if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
