And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
