time to smoke my breakfast
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
