There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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