my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
