I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
