Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
