Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
