Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
