wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
