First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
