even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
