ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
