he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
